Marrying the Kids

Relationships are complicated and sometimes downright difficult – especially when you start moving towards marriage. There are many things to consider and people to take into account, but probably the most stressful part of the relationship is dealing with kids from a previous relationship.

Children are a challenge all on their own. They are busy, insatiably curious, demanding and can very successfully sabotage a relationship if they set their mind to it. There are many reasons for your spouse-to-be’s children to be unhelpful when you’re trying to form a new family with him/her. They may feel threatened by the love between the two of you. Alternatively they could feel that you’re trying to replace their other parent and that they have to be loyal to that parent by being obnoxious to you.

There are a few things that you can try before deciding to not continue with the relationship:

• Make sure what your position is on having children. Do you like children? Do you want your own children? Or, do you hate the sight of kids? All of these questions will determine the direction of your efforts to make this relationship work.
• Be patient. Communicate frequently and make sure that you stand together on any issues that involve the children.
• Discuss in detail how having the children around will affect your current lifestyle. This will also be influenced by how often you have the kids – weekends only or full-time.
• How much input and authority do you have when it comes to the children? Are you being fully included or does your spouse-to-be want all the responsibility?

If the situation is handled with care, communication and love, having children in your new marriage needn’t be a complete nightmare and disaster.

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